


Poems for the Loved or the Lost

by tavros_the_poet



Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Clowns, Minor Violence, Other, Poetry, Schizophrenia, Slurs, Suicidal Thoughts, Teen Angst, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:22:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 5,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27685523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tavros_the_poet/pseuds/tavros_the_poet
Summary: ♋♊♎ 4w5 Lawfully Evil XNFP-T Schizophrenic Clown Poetry!!





	1. Insomnia

01/11/19  
Insomnia

They say that if you can’t sleep, that somebody is dreaming about  
you.

The pulse beats rapidly in your ear as you check the time once  
more. It keeps getting later and later and you want to go to bed so  
badly. Your droopy eyes sting and you’re covered in sweat. It’s just  
then that the disturbing thoughts from the deep depths of your  
mind come to get you.

In an attempt to get comfortable, you flip around to sleep on your  
stomach. You then notice that something in your neck keeps  
making a cracking noise that is audible to even your cat. Is it a  
muscle? Is it a bone? Why do you even care?

Are they dreaming about me?

Perhaps the person is so intrigued that they don’t even know that  
It’s literally killing you.

You look at the clock again and shut your eyes tightly.

That’s just how it goes.


	2. Screwdrivers and Sharpeners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW this poem is about cutting

One for his heart, hers, and mine  
One for my loved ones getting beat  
One for the girl who was mighty fine  
One for the tears I shed tonight

Two for the drugs that you sold  
Two for the words I read that you wrote  
Two for the murders, they get kinda old  
Two for the sex they had down the hall

Three for not being her completely  
Three for me fucking and leaving  
Three for the eight laxatives I shoved down my throat  
Three for the cause I am bleeding


	3. Tough Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No.  
> No I can’t love you.  
> Cupid please, stop torturing me.  
> Repeatedly impaled and penetrated by your arrows.  
> The blood pools on the ground, soaking into the carpet.

I stare at you, wondering how you operate.  
How do you do these things?  
I’m willing to cooperate.  
Teach me. I need to be taught by the teacher.  
But then I’d have to learn.  
But I can’t focus.  
I simply cannot earn it, for I do not deserve it.  
I’m lost in my thoughts, think I need you to stop the thoughts I’m-  
Think you’re gone now.  
I think I realized. We were head over heels for ourselves,  
my love.  
I could never have a chance.  
So I spit.  
Spit on the  
sidewalk.  
Have you walked here before?  
I mean..  
I don’t care.  
I’m just asking.  
Where am I.  
Escape the mob.  
I hate to cry  
but you make me sob.  
I don’t know why, and that’s why I’m stuck.  
I can’t let you go,  
You’re truly fascinating. God I’m fucked.  
I need to learn you.  
Please, let me study you, for a night,  
love.  
Why do I need you,  
When you don’t need me?  
Tough love.


	4. XXX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Underage.

The silent type stares at your working.  
Is it good? Is it bad?  
Unknown.  
Too quiet.  
Don’t want them to hear.

Spicy breath. Wanting to bite.  
Cloth riddled across the carpeting that isn’t yours.  
It never was.  
Why did you bail on your family for this?  
Wholly disgusting of thee.

Too afraid to ask.

Queer. Queer. Queer.

Muscle tension burns your hormones.  
Ecstasy.

Head buzzes.  
Whiskey.  
Feeling good, feeling great.  
It’s too hot.  
And that’s when the heat leaves you.  
Don’t leave me.

I gave it to you.  
I gave you me.  
Pant buckle is still on, but why did you hesitate.

Going.  
More.  
More.  
More.  
Don’t leave.  
Don’t leave.  
Gone.  
Alone again.


	5. INFP

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the first version of this poem.

Introverted  
iNtuitioN  
Feeling  
Perceiving

I had my first suicidal thought.  
I don’t know how, or why.  
And I couldn’t even handle it.  
Even though I tried.

I wondered why I am the person that I am  
And I wondered who caused that  
I wonder their plan  
What is their plan  
What is their plan

And I couldn’t even handle it  
I tore through my skin  
The blood is pooling on my sheet  
What is their plan

I wondered why I am even here  
And I wondered why I am so sad  
I wondered where my soulmate was  
And I wondered why I can’t get mad

The thought I had  
Oh

Have you ever seen a bottle of pills, or some bleach?  
Massive amounts down your throat.  
Have you ever seen a blade, or some fresh raw meat?  
A vast and easy way to van--ish.

Have you ever lit a fire or swam in deep water?  
The greatest way to not wake up.  
Burn your face and drown your lungs.

Kill your cat, kill your dog.  
Kill your dad, kill your mom.  
End your life. (x6)


	6. Song Material

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Um this is about wrestling shut your mouth.

it’s kinda funny  
okay-It’s really funny  
alright-It’s fucking hilarious

you’re kinda funny  
okay-you’re not that funny.  
alright-you’re fucking delirious

His chest is heaving  
And his wrists are pinned above his head  
Hyperventilating  
shaking with  
Adrenaline (X2 up down)*

Chemicals run  
And he thrusts his way out  
But his partner won't budge  
And he kicks at his feet

What you call fresh meat  
You might as well submit  
There’s nothing much to do  
There’s no way you can win it

*

Sweat beads, teens bleed  
Staining the new mattress  
My momma payed for that  
You’re gonna pay for this

He pounces on his pray  
But it’s sheer desire,  
And sheer hate,  
And sheer love,  
And you’re a sheer discrace (x2 up high)


	7. Dining Room Table

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah maybe I forgot I wrote this stfu

You’re nothing but a cynical Eric  
With a cynical smile  
Running cynical errands  
Four fucking miles

With sadistic intentions  
And sadistic scenarios  
In your fucked up intent  
That’s the way it fucking goes

I mock the things that you can’t change  
Your height, your shape, your body  
It’s only cause I fucking hate  
those things about my body

And I’ll fuck your brain  
And I’ve fucked your head  
Repressed thoughts are screaming  
I’m aware that I’m breathing

I threw up my heart  
I threw up my heart  
I put it in a jar  
And I hid in in your food  
And I watched your face,  
As you swallowed my construed  
And your mom walked in the room  
And your mom walked in the room  
Just as acid flew out your throat

I won’t forget your face  
And the way you looked at me

You pressed your heel against my throat  
And I threw up my heart  
The dark red blood that I hurled  
You turned it into art

I have the model of your body memorized  
I can feel your throat in my hands  
And I can feel your body inside of mine  
And I can feel your tongue inside my mouth  
And I can feel your digits intertwined with mine

I can taste from when you spit inside my mouth  
And I spit it out  
And it landed on  
the fucking ground  
In a fucking mound  
And it’s staring at me.

Oh.  
~~~~~~~


	8. Un-Herit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Um South Park Roleplay

He cries and screams, clasping his temples. The other looks up at him,  
tears brimming his eyes at what he just said. It’s funny of them to think they  
had grown up. They’re still each others’ bitches and always have been. It  
doesn’t matter how much DNA they shared on a blade of a knife, or how  
many souls they took for themselves.

The unfortunate truth is that two dominant forces will repel. He thinks of  
different ways to cause the other pain, but he knows he wouldn’t dare. He  
was too triggered by some stupid oral, verbal, shit English words. A human  
mouth can have such an impact on somebody. As in a prominent indent on  
the heart. He’s satanic, a schizophrenic, a sadist, a-

Make him love himself before he can love you.  
It’s all he asks for.

The voices are getting louder, and he’s inching closer to giving up. He  
wouldn’t touch that subject with a twenty f-FORTY foot pole! Honestly, you  
should just kill him. Why are you wasting your time? Is it because you know  
deep down in your cunt that you love breathing? Oh-I’m sorry, is your body  
getting in your way? Pain? You’re scared of pain? Stop being a little bitch and  
own up to your requirements, even if they weren’t good enough for him.

Names aren’t important, they’re just labels. You can’t run from us, we’re  
your family. We’re hiding inside of you, Love. We see what you do from the  
clouds and flaming forests. You are in Hell, but you have your health. I didn’t  
know you could materially inherit all the whore-traits..how about un-herit?  
Let’s un-herit. Let’s. I’ve every right to be happy but I-

I just want to be the one you love.

Your inability to whisper is terrible, but It’s something I love about you. If I  
smear something on you, will the digusting image go away? You love words.  
You’re thinking that sentence right now. I love the way you contemplate  
suicide. It makes me grin widely whenever I see you digest. It makes my  
heart flutter and my stomach curl upward when you feed. I love the way you  
cry and sob because of me. We love to be disliked. We hate chliches.

But whilst I have you, I’ll see what noises we can make. For now, I’ll  
encourage you. I’ll hand you the blade if you hand me the pencil. A stick of  
wood and led is what I desire, Love. But oh, my love, when you loose __ it  
makes me angry! I will pin you by your wrists against the ground and shove  
my meal down your throat until you can’t breathe because you DESERVE to  
CHOKE.

Going to sleep at seventeen, who the fuck do you think you are? Bang me,  
please. Pull the trigger, I just want this to end. Why? Explain my suicidal  
thoughts, God. I’m filled brim with these disturbing dreams and flashbacks of  
where your hands carrassed my-and It’s a sin, against your fellow man. How  
many sillibiles are in sigh? Being horny never happened in Mays. You were  
holding me captive until I ceased thy lustful quake called my brain.

You’re OK, I suppose. You’re eyes are stunning, and your touch is  
memorable. They’re gonna beat me until I have a fucking Kokopelli face  
tattoo. AND I WISH I DIDN’T STEAL MY STUFF. I love you because you’re  
unoriginal, but you’re so talented. I wish you could see that. When we go to  
Hell, we’ll be united with the ones we love. 

You hate my hair, and you hate my pants. And that fucking bed downstairs. The roach that eyed me in the basement because the fucking dog deuce squashed into the carpeting that needs a replacement. I write these eager for confliction, and to make up with it with love. Love, God please, love.

A bath is the first thing you need in the morning. When the sun rises, your  
stomach will rummble and it will make you smile so much. Howcome it  
doesn’t leave. I still have the scaring above my button, and the words remain  
to be the truth, but why is it still there? I think all your friends suck. You dirty  
cumbucket of a bastard, love. I miss sitting in the sand and dirt with you and  
you’re beautiful hair, and eyes. You’re voice deepened, but GOD why am I  
talking about you if you’re gone? Dead and burried, might as well be.

With a sudden movement, I removed my glance from the mirror, without  
taking time to retrace my thoughts.


	9. Lined Paper Leafs and Trees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi

I plop a paragraph onto paper as we drive down the pavement. The road is  
bumpy, but don’t ignore the beautiful view before us. It’s autumn, and the  
trees are frosting. You wonder why whenever you write a poem it’s not  
worthy enough. You can’t call it a poem just because it’s just pathetically  
poetic. The dog slobber sinks into your shirt, seeping into the silk. Airy, A*****,  
my unacquainted lover, your taste traces my tongue, though I topped you. The  
images of rubbers repeating in my head as your words repealed against mine,  
even if I was right.

I’ll steal your hormones if you don’t use them. My heart is backwards, but  
you are such a beauty. I’ll lock your locks into my digits and demand a taste of  
human decency. I’m deceitful, darling. Stay silent and sit on the sword, so you  
can receive the rather rough penetration, Puppy. A masochist, molested by  
the virgin Mary protector, as she maneuvers and malfunctions, breaking and  
busting. 

This is my household, my home is my heart and it is a Hoosier.  
Everything you do, I strive to do better than you. It’s a habit and a hobby, and  
it makes me really happy. My lips demand a smile, a grin, to be pressed  
against yours. To be black and blue, and beyond bruised.

and it would hurt. I studied you from across the classroom and bit my lip  
slightly at your sight. I hid my face with my hair and glanced down at the  
wood, knowing I could never have you. I’ve been through it a lot, and I’m  
proud to say I’ve survived. I still remain sad, scared, angry, delusional,  
addicted, and HUNGRY. 

Hungry for what you may ask?..  
You wouldn’t want to know.


	10. Trees III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuh for all my McCafferty fans out there.

All I’ve heard is that God hates you  
That’s all that I heard when I heard Trees II  
But boy, oh son, oh God, me too  
I wish one lyric I wrote was brand new

~~~ x2

You’re squemish and yellow  
She’s smart and hostile  
So you run for fucking miles  
So you run for fucking miles

What is a lyrical masterpiece  
I’m trying to get it hold on  
Why am I your “master” piece  
The piece you use and use and

You leave.

I need you more than you need me.  
God damnit, I’m sorry. (12)¾)

I’m sorry, I must leave you  
I love you. I love you.  
The man is out to get me.  
I have to fucking leave you.

I talk to the stars.  
They tell me to shut the fuck up.  
and to grow the fuck up.  
and to step the fuck up.

So I remain quiet  
I grow to be the tallest  
And I step for fucking miles  
And I step for fucking miles

And I’m so fucking young,  
But I’m so fucking done.

AND REPEAT ^x2

NUMBER TWO: THROW YOUR SOCKS AGAINST THE WALL  
NUMBER TWELVE: SQUEEZE A FUCKING STRESS BALL  
NUMBER THREE: REARANGE YOUR DUMBASS ROOM  
NUMBER THIRTEEN: COUNT THE THINGS AROUND YOU

NUMBER TWENTY: POP BUBBLE WRAP  
NUMBER FOURTY-FOUR: SAY “THIS FEELING WILL PASS”

I WILL RUN FOR MILES

x4

NUMBER FIFTY: THE SUICIDE HOTLINEx2


	11. Gabby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skwkpwq

You yawn, and I watch.  
My mouth doesn’t even twitch.  
Your dog barked at me.  
I think I’m gonna hit that bitch

When the car hit the child,  
Well I didn’t even flinch  
I know it’s for attention  
But God, I can’t resist.

It was just a kiss  
But I miss  
How your lips fit into mine  
And I just flipped  
I lost my shit  
I told you to kill yourself that night

I do not mean  
The words I say  
Why wont the pain just go away

You left a mark  
It makes me sick  
How I’m such a fucking dick

Or it’s just me (1. 2)

I’d love my tummy to touch my spine  
Driving me wild with your brownies  
Piercing, in my old dreams, he’s so kind  
So high I could zoom into the sky above me

I’d love my tummy to touch my spine  
I will be a boy so you will love me  
Bring me the stuff, if you wouldn’t mind  
When you consume it feels so good

I’d love my tummy to touch my spine  
I had a dream we spoke and smoked  
I still feel like a bastard deep down inside  
I just want my braincells to POP

I’d love my tummy to touch my spine  
Electrify my most sensitive regions  
Where is love, where can I find  
You were passing me the baggie

God damn I wanna do baaaaad things..


	12. Riddler

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for Beck

A riddle is a rythme,  
that plays with the mind  
A riddle is a flyer  
and it does not expire

A riddle isn’t plain,  
it fools with the brain  
A riddle ripped your tires,  
Tingles with your focus wires

A riddle you have to solve, or else  
you’ll be in pain.  
A riddle or else I’m gonna kill her,  
What a shame.

A riddle is simple, until the bullet hits her temple *X2*

A word is a word,  
completely boring and ubsurd  
A sentence is a sentence,  
But then you’d have to end it  
A line is a line,  
nothing to unwind  
An essay is an essay  
They’re not very gay

A rythme is a rythme,  
But they’re not worth my time  
A poem is a poem,  
But it’s so hard to flow ‘em  
A tune is a tune,  
Baby look at the moon

A riddle is a riddle, and a riddle needs a riddler, for riddling the riddle for be  
solved.


	13. My Parents are Both Rappers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuh

Gattmouth and Melodic had a fucking baby  
I’ve heard that she’s a fucking tranny  
I don’t believe Hartkop can’t play,  
I do believe that Divva’s insane.

My imagery shows greenhouses and gardens  
“Toys R Us” and the “Backyardigins” (or however the fuck you spell-)  
Yogurt and strawberries, snuggling with a pit bull  
The red ball never came down from “Beautiful”

You’re my partner, “Partners in Crime”  
Puppet strings, dear you are mine  
I know the cut and I know how to bleed  
My stomach flutters whenever I see you feed

Did you forget who I have been?  
Getting close to me concealed your fate  
I can’t live like this anymore, I need to flee  
I can’t be with you, you can’t be with me

“Super Why” is fucking exausting to watch  
I hate “South Park”, but there’s a catch  
My life is so damn cheap  
You’re a million dollars to keep  
Incomplete


	14. Mephesto and Rit.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Swo

Just like you I hate my eye color  
But I can’t change it without lasers  
Piercing red streaks illegaly through my head  
Making me even more retarded and brain dead

Just like you, I hate my age  
There’s nothing to do, like I’m trapped in a cage  
I can’t change that, even with a little faith  
I need to find the youth fountain so I can change

At this point, I’m gonna head up to Mephestos  
Maybe he’ll give an equality of Pepmos  
Finally I could be skinny for you  
But then I’d eat again because my manic despression  
Antidepressants  
Antidepressants

I need a naked cat  
I want a naked cat  
Maybe I’d feel a little less ugly  
Maybe somehow I’d convince you to love me

Now I’ve got most of the blondes down  
Yeah, all the blondes, they love my mouth  
As always it will drive me insane  
Drive me insane with all the things I can’t change. X3 retardando


	15. I Don't Actually Have Bipolar Depression

I haven’t told you half of it  
I haven’t told you what the doctor said  
I know, it’s time to admit  
I’m worse than you can imagine

Have you heard of manic depression?  
Maybe you’ve heard of Bipolar depression.  
A pit that lives inside my stomach  
Try to cram some stuff inside it.

You hurt yourself and I don’t know why I cried  
I suppose I didn’t expect it.  
I couldn’t keep the tears back even though I tried.  
I was home alone, I screamed your name.

I know you know I make music,  
I know you’d know this song was about you  
I know, you know, you never listen to it  
You couldn’t bother, and I know that too.

Coronavirus, all my concerts are canceled.  
I am banned from school, I am banned from my home.  
All the time that I wasted, to be man-handled.  
I feel like God took my friends from me.

I know it’s my fault when I stare at your arms  
And you glared at me with sadness in your eyes  
And I said “me too” but you’ve known  
You’ve known forever, I wish you were mine

Crying because things only get worse  
Crying because I will never feel mirth  
Crying because my soulmate is death  
Crying because my dad’s into meth

Maybe I’m crying because he wont share it  
Maybe I’m crying because I’ve lost my shit  
Maybe I’m crying because my soulmate is hitler  
Maybe I’m crying because nobody stops my parents from hitting me

I don’t care if it rythmes, I know that it’s right  
Or maybe it’s wrong, lord pass me the bong  
Hand sanatizer on my tongue and we’re all laughing  
It’s the last time I’ll see you for weeks and weeks, I’m such a freak

Oil pastel oh hey that’s kinda trippy  
Coughing on each other and then you try to trip me  
Pinned to the ground dear you thought you could trick me?

I never mention my Manic Depression  
I never talk about the Schizophrenia in my DNA  
I never talk about who could’ve been my grandpa  
I never talk about my lord and savior, TV  
but you’re my best friend, so I will love you, till’ the very, very end.


	16. Childhood

All I can do is moan and groan  
I’m too crushed to move an inch  
I reek of whiskey and cologne  
The man made me flinch.

Mother fucker jumping over fences,  
We’re hiding behind trees,  
I tried to ask you why we’re screamin’  
The flashing lights screamed police

And you’re grippin’ my throat so tightly  
Yeah, okay, mister all and mighty  
And I know it’s all my fucking fault  
I’ll never become a fucking adult

One promise I have is to never to cocaine  
All because my worship of AJJ  
I’m the only child who will only love cats  
Still faintly, on my stomach reads the word fat

Darling, we eye-fuck the same way  
I hate the fact you were born in May  
She says “I slit my wrists”  
I sarcastically spit, “no fuckin’ way”

Try to develop some fucking confidence  
Stop faking to be something you’re not  
I’ll regret saying this but my friends fucking suck  
I know that you’re trying, but it’s not hard enough

And you’re grippin’ my throat so tightly  
Yeah, okay, mister all and mighty  
And I know it’s all my fucking fault  
I’ll never become a fucking adult  
One promise I have is to never to cocaine  
All because my worship of AJJ  
I’m the only child who will only love cats  
Still faintly, on my stomach reads the word fat


	17. Stan Says:

A man cannot lay with a man as a man lays with a woman. K. K was a gentle  
soul when I found them. I took K, I ruined K, and I watched their life crumble  
right before me. I became envious of my creation. It’s ability to lose weight.  
It’s ability to be genuine. You’re everyone’s favorite, K, and I love you. Are you  
copying me-? No, no, no, no, you’re as undereducated as us all. You’re  
neighbors praise you K, they do, I know you so well..but do you know me?  
L. L. I chose L and do I regret it. I’m unsure of this. L’s confused. Let’s leave  
L, and move on to people I hate and miss.

N. I’m his bitch.

Something about his ways makes even my Alpha submit to him. He’s an  
idiot and I praise him. I praise him for what? My childhood. That’s it. That’s  
why I praise him. The last day of sixth grade. I brought vodka in that cup and  
stared at you as I gasped and struggled as it bit at my throat. I choked it up  
later, but we’re getting off track. He’s a bitch, and not my bitch. I idolize the  
competition. Is he out of my league, or am I out of his-? “Fatass. Lose a few  
pounds, fatso. Move you fat fuck.”

I GOT AN EATING DISORDER FOR YOU. I LOST TWENTY POUNDS FOR YOU,  
BUT WHY NOW ARE YOU SPEAKING THAT NAME.

I’m not your bitch anymore. You lost that from me. We may be friends, but I  
despise your behavior. Don’t touch me..

C. He showed up in my mom’s Facebook memories the other day. I  
remember him. Sometimes I miss him, because I did love him. But then,  
things changed all around me, and him, he was too much. This year for what  
was going to be ‘one year together’, I stayed at home. Unsure of what to do.  
Sometimes I miss him, but then I remember, he’s just an experience.  
One day I’ll find my type.

Or maybe I’m just a cynical fatass who needs a little kike to rely on.  
I crave competition. Beat me. Let me beat you. Understand my humor. Drink  
with me. Smoke with me. Fuck me for God’s sake, fuck me.  
And you must love my favorite show. That’s when the deal is sealed, love.  
The worst things I’ve ever done:

Crime’s I’ve committed (federal offences):  
Theft (countless times)  
Bringing alcoholic beverages to school  
Derogatory rape


	18. ENFP

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2nd to last

I had my second suicidal thought  
I do know how and why  
And I barely even handled it  
Even though i tried

I wondered why I treat myself how I do  
I wondered why I do it  
Anybody stop me  
Anybody stop me  
Anybody stop-

And I couldn’t even handle it  
I vaped day and night  
The alcohol burns my throat  
But it tastes alright

I pondered “should I live or not”  
I pondered on the ones I love  
I wondered what if I get caught  
But should I really life or not?

I thought that I thought

Have you ever seen a bear or some intoxicated air  
Both will just rip your heart right out  
Have you ever drank red wine or ate anything you could find  
A vast and easy way to, go blind

So get in a car with Stan  
Get in the fucking car, woman  
We’ll drive our way to our demise  
But It’s alright, I’m by your side  
As we approach the cliff’s edge  
I tell you we’ll be set to bed  
We both fly out the windsheild  
No one will find us in that field  
No one will find us in that field  
The field of Meadow’s Edge


	19. MOON IN GEMINI

but i dont think im ever gonna get anything done  
so many ideas rushin through my mind at once  
should i be an artist when i cannot draw a cunt  
should i be a smoker i don't plan to hit the blunt

should i be a mother when i wanna be a guy  
should i be a fighter if i am too scared to die  
should i be a writer i don't got the time to write  
should i astral project i don't believe that i can fly

should i kill myself though its a selfish thing to do  
should i only care bou myself or should i care bou you  
i've got so many ideas i know i won't pursue  
if i am here for nothing then i guess my future's doomed


	20. Skating

And I drive home  
not feeling successful  
Something is wrong  
and our lives are a handful

I don't want to be housed  
I don't need to hit  
I don't want to be fed  
I don't need to kissed

Writing a poem  
You sat to my right  
The sun it has fallen  
Again Earth is night

I haven't seen stars in so long  
My heart screams a cry  
And I know that I love them  
And I need to try

Forced me my body  
God said that he loved me  
But oh Lord, he lied

We're almost gone  
My tongue still tastes it  
I embrace the scent  
In seconds I leave it

And my wrists are healing  
My binder is stretched  
I AM STILL HEALING  
MY MIND IS SO WRECKED

IT WAS WRECKED BY YOUR WORDS  
AND MESSAGES YOU SENT  
IT FUCKED UP MY HEAD  
BABY WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN  
WHERE HAVE WE WENT?  
WE TOOK THIS TOO FAR, PUPPY  
WHERE HAVE WE WENT?  
WHERE HAVE WE BEEN?  
POLAROIDS I'VE KEPT  
IVE IN MY HEAD KEPT IMAGES OF YOU IN MY BED  
TOO MANY LOVERS  
TOO BIG OF HEART

so I pretend I am buckled  
pretend I'm content  
And then we crashed  
Out the windshield I went  
Out the windshield I went  
Out the windshield I went


	21. A Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You may recognize this one

An empty feeling fills my stomach  
And I want to leave you all forever  
I’ll regret it, I know that much  
Yeah, I know, you think you’re so clever

My friends are all liars  
They think they’re so cool  
They think they’re so smart  
Most act like fools and a few.. Are fools

So I’m just gonna sit on the carpet  
Vomiting love  
Not sure who for but here it is  
Gotta act tough

Just wanna live up to my aspect  
Fly up into the light  
And then I’d never come down  
Until the time is right

Spending sweeps and sweeps away from God  
Then they’d cry for me but I’d be long gone  
Up in the sky, just me and my sons  
And my siamese cats, at least a dozen

Flying through the clouds  
Just me and Mister Kitty  
Cause I love him, I took a bow  
T’was so kill the ones who harm him  
Touch my kitty and you’ll see how

Time is irrelevant  
If my headcanon is real  
I can’t bare to be alone  
Please pick me, the freak  
Pick me, the freak

The mutant, the setbacks  
I am stricken with schadenfreude at the most..  
Unbelievable timestamps.

“Now reader, look out your window.”

I’m sobbing.


	22. Kismesis 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MY CRAMPS AREO BAD RN!! HOLD ME

I remember when I feared death  
He pushed me against the science table  
Whispered insults under sweet breath  
With way more hate than I could handle

My blood pusher became addicted  
Pitch turned into flush way too fast  
Keyboard clacking like a science fiction  
The next day how I wished to go back

Snickers and pointing,  
Wrote a vow to suicide  
Everybody crying  
Let my pain subside

He had the audacity to hug me,, oh  
Then call me a fat bitch and slut  
Stupid Leo got me thinkin KETO  
Fantasized sex as my wrists were cut

Thought about killing him because of that  
Kept on giving him the things I loved  
(Incomplete)


	23. Dearest Baby,,

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Momprognt

Dearest baby  
The size of an apple seed  
Dearest baby  
Tell me who you will be

Brought to life in the worst year  
Ever ever ever  
Coronavirus, there’s no cure for  
Ever ever ever

On lucky number 6/12 lays your due date  
I will drown you and then teach you how to skate  
Stole my home of a one son mother  
I DON’T WANT TO BE YOUR BIGGER BROTHER

Why am I so happy to see you  
You’re my perfect mistake  
If you’ll live or die remains unknown  
Kick me out my house, and now my mother,  
YOU TAKE AND TAKE AND TAKE

The fate of the world lays in your hands  
You 2020 baby  
Please fix this world the best you can  
You 2020 baby

Raised in an opposing beliefs household  
You get to chose, paint your life  
Red or blue, or neither, you choose  
Follow me, I’ll be your guide

First of your decade  
Our childhoods will only get worse and worse  
until we are no more  
Why are we here?  
What is it for?

Your soul sits in the same room as me  
I know you already  
Small as a fucking bean  
You know me already

It’s like we’ve been together for years  
I’ll show you the circus where I pray  
You stated your presence I shed a tear  
I’ll pray for you every day


	24. Beating up Popular Kids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi I'm not popular

I have this recurring nightmare  
That I’ll snap soon, I fear  
Where I finally stood up did a Rufioh  
My mind hums I need a roofie, oh

I’ve been taunted all along I haven’t realized  
Until he pulled me aside and looked me in the eyes,  
“You’ve gotta run away from here, you’ll surely die  
soon”  
I say, “I’ll be fine, I’ll just listen to the moon”

Listen to the moon.  
Listen to the moon.  
Love how I swoon.  
OH. FUCK.

Dear popular girl, you don’t know me  
Dear popular girl, I don’t know you  
Do you think you’ve got work to show me  
You have no personality you’re a phoney

I don’t think you’re even human  
Or you are and I’m not  
I think that you’re a thot  
You don’t laugh a lot

You never had that friend that made you wheeze since  
kindergarten  
You never had a long relationship, sad when it  
parted  
You never had parents that scream and said you were  
retarded  
You’ll never have that, I am sorry, we are far  
departed  
Societies a mess we’re twisted, broken, most dull  
hearted  
Fuck you and you bury you all inside the fucking  
garden

I’m gonna yandere simulator this shit  
If only I had the guts  
Stab the blonde girl in her tits  
Through her nipples two big cuts

I’d shit in the guys mouth who called me a faggot  
and sew it shut  
I’d chase down the blonde who talks over venters and  
kill her mutt  
I’d press on the tough boys bladder until he busts,  
all the laughter of the students will surely  
combust, he thrusts into the air clinging for  
nothing as he cussed

Oh what a delight to dream about the things I cannot  
do  
Why do I want to do them, feel the need to kill all  
you  
I’ve got so many ideas I know I can’t pursue  
If I am here for nothing then I guess my futures  
doomed.


End file.
